I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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