My pussy is not your playground.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
