I love black thongs
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
