one might say we're banned from that church
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
