Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize