somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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