I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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