I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
