u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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