You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
