It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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