Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I smell stomach acid.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
