That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
