We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
