I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
