wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
