WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
