Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
