I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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