having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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