I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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