There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.