Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have fence marks all over my body
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident