At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I love you. Go after that dick