Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.

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  (505): My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut. http://tfl.nu/nzlu
  Replies (18) Good night (4350) Bad night (727)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.

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  (504): I think horse shit smells the best of all shits. http://tfl.nu/6fku
  Replies (35) Good night (1040) Bad night (2856)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.

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  (314): he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it. http://tfl.nu/pdii
  Replies (9) Good night (864) Bad night (4647)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  the only muscles i have these days is kegels

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  (443): the only muscles i have these days is kegels http://tfl.nu/1pmr
  Replies (13) Good night (4023) Bad night (1074)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.

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  (423): This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are. http://tfl.nu/kzc0
  Replies (8) Good night (2490) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.

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  (734): I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady. http://tfl.nu/nlis
  Replies (8) Good night (3949) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.

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  (865): I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it. http://tfl.nu/3j3f
  Replies (4) Good night (516) Bad night (1427)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before

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  (248): Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before http://tfl.nu/sx14
  Replies (4) Good night (949) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea

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  (843): I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/qtt5
  Replies (4) Good night (1463) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?

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  (319): Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls? http://tfl.nu/s1mn
  Replies (14) Good night (1196) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room

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  (413): You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room http://tfl.nu/ree5
  Replies (5) Good night (1140) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?

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  (601): You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench. (1-601): Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan? http://tfl.nu/mbl9
  Replies (17) Good night (2055) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff

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  (843): So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff http://tfl.nu/ddxb
  Replies (6) Good night (987) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work

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  (412): the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work http://tfl.nu/2wj1
  Replies (12) Good night (1491) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom

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  (519): don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom http://tfl.nu/zs1y
  Replies (3) Good night (761) Bad night (260)

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