people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
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I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things