Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
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is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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