Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?

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(314): rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places? http://tfl.nu/i464

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(416): View more from Ontario

i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?

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(416): i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ? http://tfl.nu/m6rh

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(845): View more from New York

I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so

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(845): I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so http://tfl.nu/bpeg

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(410): View more from Maryland

She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.

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(410): She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY. http://tfl.nu/v8u7

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(614): View more from Ohio

I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.

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(614): I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy. http://tfl.nu/3y3a

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.

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(608): I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter. http://tfl.nu/xqss

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(404): View more from Georgia

he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off

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(404): he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off http://tfl.nu/rmt4

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.

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(403): his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly. http://tfl.nu/boxe

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(203): View more from Connecticut

our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.

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(203): our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation. http://tfl.nu/5n6h

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.

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(724): Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours. http://tfl.nu/4ug0

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(864): View more from South Carolina

the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.

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(864): the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation. http://tfl.nu/dzey

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay

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(262): Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay http://tfl.nu/pdwa

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.

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(978): rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home. http://tfl.nu/3qi1

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(718): View more from New York

She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet

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(718): She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet http://tfl.nu/l8w6

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious

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(225): Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious http://tfl.nu/iev4

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