R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
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you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's blow job season.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed