Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
