Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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