eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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