I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i came on her dog
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
