I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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