fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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