you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
