FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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