Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
