John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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