Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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