Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
