If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
