MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You are a genius and a whore.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
