I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
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He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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