office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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