i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
