bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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