i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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