who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
