Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
