someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
