I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
