I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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