All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Mom said you looked used
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
