Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
