before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
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She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
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Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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