You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
being pregnant is like rehab
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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