I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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