i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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