Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
