my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
