had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
