He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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