we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I believe in your delicious
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
