my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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