i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just gargled with NyQuil
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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