I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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