i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
