When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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