take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
