I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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