i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
