Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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