we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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