Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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