New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
