I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
