I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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