Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
