i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
