you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
