im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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