Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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