12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
