oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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