my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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