you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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