I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ketchup is God's man juice
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
